My Visit to Apple Land (a.k.a. Apple World Headquarters)

Some of my peeps call me an “Apple freak” because I have Apple products all over my house and studio. Actually, I run a dual-platform studio that also runs Windows programs- like all the 3D animation software and other legacy apps I don’t want to stop using. Hey, Bill Gates' peeps did some good...but Steve Jobs peeps just did more good better (if that makes sense.)

So I love Apple stuff. Got a problem with that?

That’s why during our recent trip to San Francisco (which is an Apple city if there ever was one), I realized that we weren’t too far away from Apple World Headquarters in Cupertino, CA. It was only about an hour and change away, so my wife and I figured ‘Let’s go see the house that Steve Jobs built.’

Throughout the drive, I’m getting all worked up and treating this outing as if we’re going to DisneyLand...‘Apple Land’. I’m thinking we’ll get tour guides dressed in Apple shirts, talking like Jonny Ive (who sounds like a British rocker) and taking us around the campus showing us where the Macs are designed. Maybe ride an iPad cart on a track made of money showcasing all of the different departments in Apple working hard to make even more money. And having the tour end with a hologram of Steve Jobs saying something emotionally inspiring...to spend more money at Apple Land.

The reality is much less stellar than that. No iPad carts. No Steve Jobs inspirational hologram. No J.Ive-talking Apple tour guides. In fact, unless you work there or are some sort of celebrity they’re in love with, you won’t even make it past the front lobby. 

Instead, all there really is to see for us civilians is the unique Apple Store that resides right next to the Headquarters campus. For years I heard about how the Apple Store in 1 Infinite Loop was the most special Apple Store in all the world because they sold merchandise there not sold anywhere else. In a way, that’s correct. 

If the Apple Store sold coffee and pastries, it'd be the best store ever. 

There is no genius bar (despite the army of actual geniuses located hundreds of yards away in a secure building.) But there are tons of Apple-related stuff designed to separate you from your money. Apple-branded coffee mugs, pencils, art supplies, hats, lunch boxes, and apparel make up about half the store’s merchandise. I ended up blowing a few bucks on shirts, hats and hoodies, and probably would’ve spent more if there had been a Steve Jobs action figure available. 

iWant these!

Overall, I’m glad we went, and the stuff we got was enough to keep the trip from being a disappointment. Interestingly enough, if I wear my Apple Headquarters apparel in an Apple Store, the workers will sometimes ask in astonishment “Whoa, where’d you get THAT?!” (So apparently that claim of unique Apple Store products in the Mother Apple Land really is legit to a degree.) 

Toilet paper dispensing? There's no app for that.

The only real HUGE letdown in Apple Headquarters: THE BATHROOMS. I thought they’d have something like iToilet and iSink for us to use.

At least the sink has some technological integration. 

Oh, well. Maybe next time.